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BOTTLENECKS, PHYSICS AND NIGHTMARES

Bottles remind me of bottlenecks. Not the concept though, just the word. ‘Bottleneck’ – something I never really understood. That’s the case with everything when it comes to science.

In ninth standard, they split science into three. But Chemistry was the worst of all.

Chemistry is all about atoms, you see? No, you don’t. You can’t quite see them. It’s even harder for me as I already use spectacles. ( Difficulty in seeing far off things)

And I don’t quite believe in things that I have never seen. Are atoms even real? Or are they just fragments of someone’s imagination? And if they are imagination, then it’s a stupid one. As Mark Twain said, ”You can’t defend your eyes when your imagination is out of focus”. Oh wait. Focus…focul…focal…focal point? No, I don’t want to remember… I better change this line of thought before those retarded lens diagrams invade my mind.

Physics wasn’t a bed of roses either. And good that it isn’t. Calculate the pressure created by roses on the mattress if the bed is wooden. My tears still stain the physics book. By the time we came to gravitation, I just gave up. So what if it was the first chapter?

But biology was the best. Among the three. I mean it wasn’t my all time favorite subject, but…you get the idea. Consider three cupcakes – one of them has ants feasting on it, the other is a month old, and the third one was sun-dried until it cracked. Which one do you eat? All of them. (That was a trick question)

The good thing with biology is that it’s relatable. You see, bio means ‘life’. And I live. Biology makes sense!

But whatever the case be, I’m glad to have left science 17,520 hours back. Good time calculating that, Physics.

HOW TO READ NOTORIOUSLY LONG BOOKS

We live in a world where long books exist. Books that we have always wanted to read,
but couldn’t, because of how lengthy they appeared to be : ‘War and Peace’, ‘Les Misérables’, your Chemistry textbook from ninth standard – the list makes up another long book.

But before embarking upon this journey, ask yourself – why do you want to read a long novel when you can easily read your phone’s instruction manual and claim to be a reader?
Is it merely something to brag about to your friends? In that case, why not!

But you could do that without reading the novel. The problem is, that some people may demand proof. They might feel that you can explain the book to them better than the author can.

In that case, it is very difficult to make up a story that goes with the title. And for the record, ‘Gone With the Wind’ is not about hurricanes.

So here are some ways that will help you to get through long books:

1. Tell your friends

  • About how long the novel that you are currently reading is, and how apprehensive you are about completing it.
  • Keep a sly smile on your face and your eyebrows raised while you speak of your misfortune, such that your face projects nothing but plain pretense. You might hear motivating things like “don’t read it then” or “what a show-off!”, which will help you read the book with renewed determination.
    Don’t forget to update the people on social media who are hungry to know what’s on your reading list. That one like on your status will surely add to the motivation.

2. Start small

  • If you are new to reading, then picking up a long book might not be a good idea. You should begin small. Read WhatsApp’s terms and conditions and privacy policy for a start.

3. Divide the book in smaller sections

  • Rebinding will cost you, though.

4. Read fast

  • It is not necessary to read each and every word. You can skim through the paragraphs. But make sure you understand what’s in it. It is no use reading the segment all over again in case you didn’t quite catch the gist of it the first time. Quite counter – productive, I would say.

5. Never skip breakfast

  • It is the most important meal of the day.

6. Read continuously

  • The key to completing a notoriously long book is to read it continuously. Do not take breaks in between. Read your book while texting, eating, reading another book, walking – and don’t worry about falling into manholes, they provide a peaceful environment to read.

7. The quicker way

  • Simply watch the movie. But you will miss out on the pleasure of saying “the book was much better than the movie”.

So there you have it.

But the most important part of reading a novel is to learn something from it.
Like ‘Gone with the Wind’ teaches you to beware of hurricanes.

Happy reading!

LIZARDS CREATE PANIC

Lizards.

The word gives me the jitters. Instantly, my mind goes like :

“Hey, do you want to know how it feels to be surrounded by a hundred lizards?

“NO!”

“Okay, lemme show you anyway.”

And there you are – a hundred lizards crawling all over your existence as you panic.

Everyone fears lizards. I find those people really weird who can look the lizards in the eye, fist raised, and say “I don’t fear you.”

I feel that fearing lizards is completely normal. There is a bit of it in everyone. That being said, those of you who don’t relate must visit their nearest psychologist who will most efficiently implant a phobia of lizards in you.

Lizards climb walls and do nothing. How terrifying is that!

The idea is that I can’t stand being in a room already chosen by a lizard. Just because two living beings have the same choice doesn’t possibly make them friends.

Well, in some cases it can. I, for instance, love yellow couches. If I ever come across a random person who said “I love yellow couches!” out loud at the table opposite to mine at a restaurant, chances are that we might be hanging out together at the end of the day. How else do you think I have formed my present friend circle?

But things are different with reptiles.

Entering a lizard – inhabited room can cause a tumult of emotions in the mind. The struggle is real.

The irrational part of my mind would say “Ignore it”.
But the rational one would say “You could possibly die. A human and a lizard can never share a room. Think about it.”

And I think about it. It’s the kind of situation they describe in proverbs:
“There can only be one hero in the movie.”
“There can’t be two tigers on the same hill”
“Pretend to be a pig to eat the tiger”

And owing to the strong personality that I have, I walk out.

You see, it is not always about having your way. One must let others have their way too, sometimes. And in case of lizards, always.

A WORLD OF MY OWN

I might want to sway the winds,
Rule over the rivers and lakes,
To command the fires to burn,
Or control the whole world.

No, I cannot,
Perhaps I can.

I can sway the winds
of my mind,
I can rule over the rivers and lakes
Of my emotions intertwined,
And only I can command the fires
of my soul,
For, I am another world of my own…

  • Pakhi

THE AIR IS MY PERFUME

The air carries distant fragrances,
And reveals the face of each place
In the guise of a scent.

The air brings them to me,
Sometimes sweet as honey,
Or tangy, which goes straight to the head.
And sometimes it is a strong spicy,
So strong, I can almost get a taste of it.

An aroma is ever-present.
I sense each fragrance wherever I go,
As if it is my own.

The fragrance whiffs me into its world,
And the air becomes the perfume of my skin.

  • Pakhi

UNDER THE GROUND

Roots

My hands are always soiled with mud,
And each one looks the same as the other 
In my large extended family, spread as far as Earth itself.

It is cool down here,
A silent, calming darkness
Where I know not when I am asleep or awake.

But sometimes I grow weary of this black stillness.
My world is a hushed secret,
Where the occasional wriggle of an insect creates a buzz.

Will I ever see the world outside,
Or is it as dark as my own?

I think not.

For, the leaves had told me once
That there is light above this underground
Where a Sun shines.

And one day had the trunk nervously whispered to me ,
That it is hard to meet eyes with the Sun.
But that doesn’t worry me much,
As I can only feel, and my vision is blurred.

But do I really want to face the world outside
Leaving my cozy place underneath?

I think not.

For, my ears are made for hearing the silence,
My veins find comfort running in the dark,
And I can feel alive only in this world
Under the ground.

  • Pakhi

ZIP THE MOMENTS AWAY

I wish I could zip the sweet moments away,
And relive those happy memories
In times of solace.

But I would need to be mindful,
And not let those moments enter
That make me cry.

For if they do,
The zip will break away, broken beyond repair,
And each fragment, like a teardrop, will stain the moments,
Sad and happy alike.

So, I think I will just rely
On the sheer sweetness of moments, and make them even sweeter,
To relive each without effort,
To relive each in its realness,
To relive each in the same way each time.

And I will never need the zip…

  • Pakhi

BOOKMARKS AND BOOKWORMS

For those who do not know,bookmarks are those cute little rectangular things tha.. No, they are not used for making notes. What has Kindle done to you?

So bookmarks are those rectangular cards which some avid book readers use.
At a time not very long ago, they were used to mark the page so that the reader didn’t have to use up his current life and the next looking for the page where he left it.

The exercise sounds really simple, but it is not so.

Because we, the book reading population, have a hard time surviving out here. Whenever we venture to read a book in public, people make condescending remarks and horrified facial expressions, as if they just saw a person reading a book in public! (It is so superlative, I couldn’t think of any comparison)

Some kindle enthusiasts and other conveniently dumb people try to annoy us by pretending to pull the bookmark out of our novel-an emotionally scarring experience.

I once had a friend who was trying the same ol’ trick on me. While she was on the verge of pulling the bookmark out, I was trying hard to maintain the “Frankly my dear, I don’t give a damn” expression. But I was shattered on the inside, as I couldn’t remember the page number I had left it on. (I am pretty bad at math) Even Rhett Butler failed to comfort me.

So I was hoping that my false nonchalance would eventually bore her, but she was a Science student. Even worms interested her.

She pulled the bookmark out, finally, and once she was gone, I frantically started to look for the page, hoping against hope.

I went through the whole book that night, but couldn’t find the spot where I left. I emptied my entire bookshelf and scanned all the books, but the page eluded me. I gave up.

I still do not know how Amy reacted when she found out the empty milk cartons in her shoes.

The adventure had a huge impact on me. But I didn’t let my friend off easy. Such a friend had no place in my life. The harsh step had to be taken.

I unfriended her on Facebook.

I think that this has touched her to the nerves. She seems to have gone in denial.  Her unconscious has totally dismissed the fact that we are friends no more, which is why she consciously behaves as if nothing ever happened. (I am a psychology student). Why, just yesterday she asked if she could borrow my wall clock! Well, another story, another day…

ARE YOU INTELLIGENT? FIND OUT!

We all have, out of sheer curiosity and the need for self assurance, searched “Do I have what it takes to be called intelligent?” Okay, maybe you are word smart and have typed in “Traits of intelligent people”, but the results are the same. Google gets me. You get the point of this post, right? Here are some traits of highly intelligent people. See if you have any:

1. They don’t get many likes on Facebook

If your Facebook posts don’t get more than three likes, two out of which are your parents’, you are definitely intelligent. This means that Facebook lacks an intelligent
audience. Try Orkut instead! It lacks audience which will make you feel better about yourself.

2. They learn from others’ mistakes

You have a friend who went to buy drugs but backed out at the last moment. Be wise and learn from his mistake. An intelligent person would never back out.

3. They evaluate their options

You have an exam tomorrow for which you have barely studied. What will you do? Be intelligent and evaluate your options. Will you watch the new music video that has just
been uploaded or play Chess on your Play-station?

4. They procrastinate

If you thought that intelligent people are all timely, punctual, clockwork monsters, you are wrong.  If you want to be intelligent, procrastinate.

For instance, in case of an accident, calling for the ambulance almost immediately just shows how dumb one is.

The next time your friend gets hit by a car, procrastinate all that ambulance hassle. You can do that later, anyway.
Just pass time doing odd things, ask your friend to do her laundry and stuff, tell her how much she matters to you, click some photos together, get them framed.

5. They are night owls

Good news! Sitting alone under your dining table in pitch darkness at 2:00 a.m. isn’t creepy anymore! Not only is it normal, it’s a sign of high intelligence.

There you have it, a rough measure of your intelligence.

But don’t feel bad if you do not have any of the above in you. Just remember that inner intelligence doesn’t define you. People admire you not for what is on the inside, but  for what you have on the outside – like good looks. There, aren’t you feeling good already!